Monday, November 19, 2007

Screamless Parenting

Do you believe in that? I do. But as much as I believe in that; I must admit that I have a doubly hard time doing that. I also have a hard time believing in parents who say they have never screamed at their kid(s) –not once, not ever. My apologies, but I need more than lip service to believe that. But I will not get into that now.


My husband, who is working away from home, has not screamed at Matt ever but maybe that’s because he doesn’t feel the stress/pressure of parenthood 24 hours a day/7days a week/30 or 31 days a month. (Or maybe he’s just so patient, so unlike me.)


But okay. So I believe, and I try not to scream. In fact, I am trying everyday. But that is not to say that there was no instance that I did not fail, albeit not without remorse or guilt. I should say I failed a handful of times in the past, and they always make me feel wretched. There were even times I truthfully feel like a monster mom, like my kid doesn’t deserve a mother like me. And no matter what the situation was, I feel there’s just no excuse that could justify screaming. And that what’s making me feel so low in the spirit in those times.


So in my attempt at screamless parenting, a long time ago, I devised a way, a maybe-silly way to keep myself from screaming while emotionally high-strung. I recorded voice messages in my phone! And play these when I get exasperated already and feel like screaming.


Matt, please behave.” “Listen to Mama and be a good boy.” “Do not climb.” “Please drink your milk.” And lots of other of messages that are devoid of any hint of anger or irritation. Although I cannot say of the ratio of success I get with these recorded messages (and there could be a downside to this :D), they at least give me an option, a detour, a maybe-better way around a sticky situation. And also gives me a breather until I have put my raw emotions in a tight rein or until I have collected myself. They have saved me – a lot of times already from becoming a monster mom and feeling monstrous myself. Not to mention, saving me the exertion of saying everything a hundred times. :D


I had wanted to have my hub’s voice recorded too, just so there’s a balance to what Matt hears. I really should have done it a long time ago. But up until last night, I have only been reminding myself to do that but have been forgetting all the time when he’s home. But finally, I have what I needed in my phone now (there’s even an I-love-you recording too). I have even tried it this morning, with satisfactory result. :D



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6 comments:

Do Something said...

I think all parents should try to not scream but like you said, it isn't easy. I find that some days are better or worse than others. My husband sounds like your husband and I think you hit the nail on the head. They don't feel the demands we do. When he's home with the children there's no multitasking he just plays with the kids. I am trying to play with them, fold laundry, cooks, sweep and the million other things I have to do. That's why moms sometimes scream.

Melissa said...

Wow, I don't spank and now you tell me I can't scream, sheesh how am I ever going to discipline this kid. jk!

I find sometimes it's better for me to have a time out and get control of myself and then try and deal with things. Though your recording idea is striking a cord with me. Imagine pushing a button instead of saying the same thing a million times a day....I think your on to something.

Melissa said...

Wow, I don't spank and now you tell me I can't scream, sheesh how am I ever going to discipline this kid. jk!

I find sometimes it's better for me to have a time out and get control of myself and then try and deal with things. Though your recording idea is striking a cord with me. Imagine pushing a button instead of saying the same thing a million times a day....I think your on to something.

JHS said...

Thanks for participating in the December 3, 2007, edition of the Carnival of Family Life, hosted at http://www.imaginif.com.au!

JHS
Colloquium (http://www.jhsiess.com)

Lisa said...

I completely agree with screamless parenting, but like you find it hard to believe that any parent can say they have never (ever) screamed at their child. Parents are human and sometimes our emotions get the better of us. I like that you admit that it makes you feel guilty. My daughter was just born a month ago so I have, of course, never screamed at her, but I'm sure no matter how hard I try one day in her life I will likely scream at her and I know I will feel completely guilty for it. That makes us human too.

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