Like Father, Like Son

Today

Matt's writing here.

Today, I drank choco milk from a mug. No bottle for me today, said Mother. She said I'm a big boy now but I think she's hiding the fact that some thief stole my bottles. Oh my precious Pigeon bottles. But then, she even gave me the privelege to stir my chocolate so it makes up for all her lame reasons. I know I looked cool like Tatay, stirring my chocolate and sipping from the mug like that.

Today, I drove my mother to the brink of insanity when I bumped my head on the wall. I really believed she lost her mind when she applied some ice on my head. I know she hates it when I carelessly run around like I always do but I didn't know she wants to freeze my brain?

Today, I broke the lid of the sugar container. Nanay was mad, my mother kept her cool but I know she's seething inside. What's the fuss? They should be happy it's just the lid! For goodness' sake, I was only inspecting it and making sure that it's breakable like the honey bottle (I broke before).

Today, I was singing He (Jesus) Holds My Hands with Nanay. In my peripheral vision, for a second, I saw my mother getting misty-eyed but she easily camouflaged the look with her winning smile. I wondered what's gotten into her.

Today, I ate a lot. I've been wondering why mother's suddenly feeding me like there's no tomorrow that I completely forgot about my stolen Pigeon bottles. And this choco-milk she's giving me just tastes so good.

Today, I was having a blast with my mother. She's really silly. And crazy. I wished Papa could see him when she's like this. And yes, I miss Papa - oh how I missed Papa. We called him on the phone but the calls were a poor substitute. I kept on asking mother, Abot na taxi (with) Papa? (Has Papa arrived in a taxi?), half-expecting that she'd say YES but father didn't came home that night.

Mother- she's asleep now. She didn't know I'm typing this. She must have unwittingly fallen asleep thinking I'm asleep already. But that's not unusal - she always does. Gotta scram before she finds out screams like a madwoman.

Magic To Him

Early on, my sister and I had decided not to set up lights - on the tree or around our house. Not this year.

Truth is, after the highly circulated Christmas (light)-related accident last year, I felt unease creeping on in me everytime I think of the setting up the Christmas lights - which had caused the big fire that cost the life of the daughter of a prominent politician.

I felt safer -and comfortable with our decision.

But early this month my cousin gave us a couple of Christmas (light) Globes after seeing Matt's fascination with their globe lights. So okay, I reckoned that a couple of this will not hurt us and asked my brother, before he left for Korea, to set up the whole thing.

To my surprise, when I came home one afternoon, not only did he install the Globes but some of our lights from last year. I was planning on letting him know about my concern but before I could do that, my son seeing the lights all lighted said, "Wow! Blinking lights!" with the fervor only a child can muster.

Matt actually says that everytime we flick on our Christmas lights. All the time, he sounds as if he's just seen the lights for the first time. It's funny. But everytime I hear him say that, I have to silently thank my brother for all his effort - and my cousin who sent the Globes.

Wonder No More

My son - he just loves to sing. Nursery songs. Not-so kiddie songs that he'd hear around. Even songs in our dialect that my parents are teaching him, he's been trying to learn and sing them with all the effort of a two-year old.

And there are songs that he can finish til the last note and last word to the lyrics. Most are nursery songs. ABCs, You Are My Sunshine... and more. But for awhile there, I just wondered why he keeps on skipping a line of the Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star. There's just this one line that he misses singing -despite all our my mother's effort.

One time, while talking to his Papa over the phone, Matt asked him his "generic" request that he says every time he's on the singing mood. "Sing (song), Papa please." That time it was the Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star.

What's a father got to do but to comply. So over the phone, my hub sang -and because the phone was in loudspeaker mode, I heard my hub sing, too. He didn't have the voice but that's fine I’m use to that and Matt will get used to that . What's not fine to me though was the fact that he missed a line - and it was the very same line Matt keeps on skipping!

Saying At The Right Time

(I'm) Sorry. I love you. Please. Excuse me. Thank you. He's learning to say them at the right time. Matt really is becoming better at it - everyday. I mean, his timing is much improved. And I really couldn't complain.

Except with the I love you. He's saying it rather too well at times that I can't help but think he's doing a gentle maneuver with my heart.

To involve him is to teach him

To involve him is to teach him. I gather that I couldn't just show him, or tell him or describe to him what I'm doing, I have to involve him.

So lately I've been asking my son to hand me a pillow or two, a blanket whenever I tidy our bed. He's really catching up fast and is good at following instructions lately. And I'm just so glad at this big improvement.

One time, I asked him to return the clothes he pulled from my cabinet and he willingly did. Slipshoddily, though.

***

When before I'd only request his help in throwing a soiled diaper (not poopy diapers though; anyway, he just loves throwing diapers) in the garbage bin, now I am involving him with other tasks like returning his toys or his books before we leave the room. He still cannot put them in proper order but at least he's learning to return them to their places. Some might think it's too early. Maybe. But I'd like to start early with him.

No Sense Of Time Yet

Yesterday. The other day. Last night. Last Monday. Although he know how to verbalize these, I can say that Matt doesn't grasp the concept of these yet.

Like this morning, when we sent my brother off to Manila (for a connecting flight to SoKor), Matt bade him goodbye.

"Go-bye. Ba-bye, Tito Boyet."

"See you later."

I know he was only imitating something he often hears without knowing its full meaning.

Extra Pair Of Hands - Soon!

Last Sunday, being my day-off, I was driven crazy with my son the whole day. The sight of our room alone, in total disarray, would do that.

We just finished reading and I thought it would be wonderful if someone or he himself takes care of his mess I requested for him to “return his books,” which were strewn on the floor along with his toys and what-not. If only he’d do as I told him. I would really love for him to do that but I, knowing only too well that he would either ignore my request or he could put the books back in place, only to make twice as much mess of them moments later, didn’t allow myself to expect him to do that. Aahh, frustrating. I am just too well-acquainted with the pitfalls of expecting.

After a glance to my direction, he mumbled “return” and then he started to pick up his books and “returned” them on the spot (under a re-used center table) where he got them. When he was done, he gave them a cursory final glance, looked at me and said “thank you” playfully. Not only that, he left the books untouched after returning them somewhat carelessly under the table. Yes he did (and I will not complain about how he arranged them because he's only 24-months old).

Monday, we went through the same motions again with the same positive result. I just couldn't help beaming like a cat after a good feeding.

I really can't wait for the time when I can request him to take care of the laundry.

Newest Ray-Ban Model!

New Poster

Replaced Matt's old stuff with this and another poster. It looks much better and more attractive to my son.

Good morning!

This morning, we were in my sister's room and I showed my son the ABCs at Starfall. He loved it (thanks Melissa!) and was fascinated with the helicopter at Letter H. He kept on telling me "helicopter again." So our ABC activity early this morning was like moving one letter forward and then going back to letter H.

After we wrapped up, I was checking things in the Internet and let Matt "explore" my sister's room (where we dumped all our not kid friendly stuff). At one point he was exploring the CD ROM and kept pressing the open/close button - he is always entertained with this mechanism (in DVD/VCD players). It was while he was "exploring" that he inadvertently got an 8-mm mini CD stuck inside because he inserted it all the way through the ROM. So at early morning today, armed with a screwdriver and hair still unkempt, I found myself tinkering with our PC.

BTW, yesterday, he peed on a pile of CDs! I'm really such a good mom (smirk) that I left him touching things -and pulling some in the process. There was already a good pile of CDs on the floor and he peed on these. I had wondered what kept him quiet while I was composing an email and moments later found out the reason. :D

Shoes

Monster Moment

Screaming. I read somewhere that kids would adjust and adapt to it and you end up having kids that is so used to your usual shouting and they won’t budge unless they hear you raising your voice octaves higher. Or worse, they get too used to your habitual shouting that they develop deaf ears to your requests.

With that, I find myself always trying my best not to raise my voice. Not to shout, no matter how bad I feel. But let’s face it, there really are times when one is too frayed at the edges and unwittingly does that. Me, I mess up and do that at times. But it doesn't really excuse the act.

The first time I shouted at my son, I cried silent tears. No kidding. I cried because I saw fear and shock register on his face, not to mention the copious tears in his eyes. Fear is the last thing I want my son to feel towards me. I cried because I was frustrated at someone who should have known better and who should have let patience run a mile longer. Instead, I failed to control myself and allowed my emotions to run ahead of me. I felt so wretched at failing and letting someone pay for my unbridled emotions.

****

And again, here is an antithesis to something I wrote few days back, a tale from someone who is trying not to resort to spanking. Not positive, but it's a tale of truth (and reality) of my life as a mother.

Coming home from the night shift, I found myself sitting in front of Matt's cabinet at so early in the morning. I was folding the pile of clothing that he had lovingly strewn all around our room. Sleep-deprived, I had wanted to return the room in a semblance of order as fast as I could.

Plak! The door of a cabinet connected to my face, at the upper left side of my cheekbone, a millimeter away from my eyes. Caught by surprise at its impact, I recoiled and instinctively brought my hand to my face where a sting was beginning to spread. I was shocked. When I turned my head upward, I saw him - the culprit of this banging. Irritation, surprise, pain – I’m still not sure what but I screamed and shot my hand, grabbing his foot and giving it a spank.

I over-reacted and I was too flustered at my reaction I had to walk out of that door because I couldn't trust myself if I stayed with him a moment longer. Was it shock that registered in his face as he stared at me with tears streaming down his face? He looked so scared and was still crying “Mama, mama” when I walked out that door. Bad Mama, that I was. I felt horrible, and that's could be an understatement. But of course, who wouldn't? There's just no excuse that could justify what I did. No excuse, and I felt all the more awful knowing this.

I had apologized to my son (and he had given me his sorry) but I still haven’t forgiven myself for doing what I did.

Corn, Popcorn, Corn beef

After buying some corn from a peddler, Nanay (my mother) showed them to Matt.

Matt: Popcorn, Nanay?

***

We had gathered around the table to partake our share of corn. After seating himself, Matt turned to me, "Corn beef, Mama?"

Celebrate 2!

So at home in Barney's arms...

...that for awhile there, the host was worried Matt would request to bring Barney at home.

*******

Sunday was boxing day!

Opening his gifts....

Thanks to everyone who came and who sent lovely gifts - they may not be able to read this, but thanks all the same.

The last three pics were pictures of his fishing set. A cousin got it for him. He got so thrilled when he saw the pieces. But the fishing rod didn't even last for a day; he was so enamored with it that he, almost immediately, broke it.

If It’s Good For Babies…

It was still dreary this morning but we were in the airport to send my hub off to his work base. We had decided to wait awhile until we hear that flights would push through as scheduled (yesterday’s flight was canceled due to visibility problem). So it was while waiting in the parking lot that nature called. No big deal. Really. IF ONLY THE CRs WERE WORKING.

Yesterday, I was in this same track so I can still imagine the OUT OF ORDER signs hanging by the CR doors. No water supply, I found out. There was no water the last time we were here and that’s a couple of weeks ago. Can you imagine how inconvenient that is? It was just a stroke of luck that, after met with refusal after refusal, I was able to coax a saleslady in one of the souvenir outlets to let me use their CR despite the lack of water. I was already a big begging baby all ready to explode cry. Out of frustration, desperation, irritation –name it.

This morning, there would be no question that begging would no longer be an option.

But you know the feeling of trying to suppress something, you only end up increasing the feeling to nth degree. So? So excuse me, I’ve got to resort to something unconventional, to say the least.

I.used.my.son’s.diaper.right.there.in.the.parking.lot. Yes!

Good thing our car tint is the as-long-as-the-lights-inside-are-out-you’ll-remain-almost-invisible-outside type. And good thing I always carry extra diapers when we bring Matt with us because you'll never know when they can be handy. But why not? If it’s good for babies, then it must be good for me, too.

But really. What a relief! You just couldn’t imagine the relief after trying so hard to control the flow so there's no leak-out.

Screamless Parenting

Do you believe in that? I do. But as much as I believe in that; I must admit that I have a doubly hard time doing that. I also have a hard time believing in parents who say they have never screamed at their kid(s) –not once, not ever. My apologies, but I need more than lip service to believe that. But I will not get into that now.

My husband, who is working away from home, has not screamed at Matt ever but maybe that’s because he doesn’t feel the stress/pressure of parenthood 24 hours a day/7days a week/30 or 31 days a month. (Or maybe he’s just so patient, so unlike me.)

But okay. So I believe, and I try not to scream. In fact, I am trying everyday. But that is not to say that there was no instance that I did not fail, albeit not without remorse or guilt. I should say I failed a handful of times in the past, and they always make me feel wretched. There were even times I truthfully feel like a monster mom, like my kid doesn’t deserve a mother like me. And no matter what the situation was, I feel there’s just no excuse that could justify screaming. And that what’s making me feel so low in the spirit in those times.

So in my attempt at screamless parenting, a long time ago, I devised a way, a maybe-silly way to keep myself from screaming while emotionally high-strung. I recorded voice messages in my phone! And play these when I get exasperated already and feel like screaming.

“Matt, please behave.” “Listen to Mama and be a good boy.” “Do not climb.” “Please drink your milk.” And lots of other of messages that are devoid of any hint of anger or irritation. Although I cannot say of the ratio of success I get with these recorded messages (and there could be a downside to this :D), they at least give me an option, a detour, a maybe-better way around a sticky situation. And also gives me a breather until I have put my raw emotions in a tight rein or until I have collected myself. They have saved me – a lot of times already from becoming a monster mom and feeling monstrous myself. Not to mention, saving me the exertion of saying everything a hundred times. :D

I had wanted to have my hub’s voice recorded too, just so there’s a balance to what Matt hears. I really should have done it a long time ago. But up until last night, I have only been reminding myself to do that but have been forgetting all the time when he’s home. But finally, I have what I needed in my phone now (there’s even an I-love-you recording too). I have even tried it this morning, with satisfactory result. :D

Almost 2

- I was working on this and I was ready to post it last night but was unable to post because the crying interrupted me again. :D

***

November 14 1600H.

Technically speaking, Matt will be 2 years old by 5:27PM this afternoon. That's just few hours from now! So in that note, I'm going to post 24 random things/developmental notes about Matt.

1) He can identify the bridges (that we usually pass) and says "Mama- water?" when he spots the rails customary to these bridges.

2) He drinks his choco+milk drink in a cup but refuses to, if it's just milk. "Mimi" still has to be in a milk bottle.

3) He is already an expert of power buttons --of remotes, of the TV, of the PC, of the monitor. In fact, he gets his kicks pushing the power button of the CPU while Mama is all-eyes on the monitor and busy tapping on the keyboard. Or the TV button (remote is hidden!), when I am seriously glued to a TV show.

4) He can identify logos --of the company I work for, of Shell, of Milo, etc..

5) He can take orders now. It's his "job" to throw the used diaper in our garbage bin and he delivers his job well.

6) His vocabulary is improving. He loves learning "Opposites." (Like, opposite of dry is wet. And is slowly applying the concept). Sometimes, he will count 1 to 10 ; other times, he won't and I'm not sure whether he's just teasing me or if he's just bored or maybe he's forgotten how to. He has yet to perfect the Alphabet though. (I don't really want to pressure him into learning something he may not be ready for) :D

7) He now refers to his pedia as his "friend." After our visits in October, I think Matt has learned to be comfortable with the doctor. He even tried making a chitchat with the pedia on those last two visits.

8) He loves singing. He loves to sing Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star and Itsy Bitsy Spider, etc... even the funny songs (in our dialect) that my father has taught him. And loves his guitar.

9) He still calls Winnie The Pooh, "Bobby"; battery, "batte-te"...

10) He still loves water -the rain, the faucet, taking a bath.

11) He still won't do the "Keep still" or "Sit down-I'll be right back." When taking a bath, he's just too excited. But he can keep still when we clean his ears and change his diapers.

12) He still kicks, pulls my hair and pinch my face when piqued (or when he wants to :D).

13) He still "manipulates" me with his I love yous, his apologies (Mama, sorry), his hugs and kisses.

14) He still loves to read his disjointed books.

15) He still drinks his vitamins without a fuss.

16) He is thrilled when his toy cars are broken and works so hard to break them. And when they are broken, he tries to fix them.

17) He still drives me nuts when he throws his toys, his books, and pulls everything else on the floor.

18) He still loves to run around and to play catch-me with anyone who wants to. But I've seen him use his imagination more and more. Like pretending chairs are cars or talking over the phone, with or without the other party.

19) He still demands to play Where-Is-The-Flag. I've lost count of the flags he can identify now; but it's not too many (20-plus maybe, or 30 :D). And he still likes to point at the planets in the Solar System.

20) He is still scared of the dark, of the vacuum cleaner and the hair dryer. And when scared, he says "Hug-a Mama." (That sometimes I am tempted to scare him - I'm sorry!)

21) He still loves to eat vegetables. And still thinks that ampalaya (bitter gourd) is yummy. And ice cream is hot.

22) He still loves to tinker with the screws, the electric outlet, the tv, remotes... In fact, the other morning, he did it again. I woke up and saw him playing with our aircon remote control, with the battery compartment already opened and the batteries nowhere to be found. But not only that, minutes later, I found out that he had poured water inside the empty battery compartment. I was aghast! I dried it up for 2 days but I'm glad it's back working (lucky me!).

23) He is still thrilled to see babies and kids. He would shriek with joy when he spots babies or kids in the mall, or passing by our house.

24) He still wears a diaper. He has not perfected the potty, he's just starting but I will be seriously training him from now on. (?!)

Catcha!

I have to admit that there are nights when Matt is fast asleep that I sneak out of our room and start romancing the keyboards in my sister’s room. Because that is my only chance. And tonight is one of those times.

After tidying up our room, I tiptoed and carefully twisted the doorknob. But it was while I was trying to make a slight opening of the door, just enough for my little frame that it made a creaking sound. Perfect! Matt flipped on his back.

"Mama here now?" He asked.

I froze.

(Hours later, I tried again :D)

Nighttime Stories

Early to bed, early to rise. So they say.

Early. Yes, my son is in the habit of sleeping early. We’ve helped him establish that pattern and I’m thankful because it gives me an ample time to catch up with housework and the Internet.

And early to rise. Yes, he is. And that's the reason why, almost always, I wake up to a mini pandemonium that is our room.

But between bedtime and rising up, there may be stories to tell.

Apart from the “mimi na” (calls to feed) times, there are nights when I am disturbed from my nocturnal activity (read:Internet) awakened from deep slumber due to Matt’s cries. Dreams, maybe nightmares, I can only wonder what. Maybe a horror story about the Vacuum Man is slowly unfolding in his sleep. But because I do not know what else to do, I just hold him while he cries his heart out for some unknown, maybe imaginary monsters.

There are better nights though when he smiles or even chuckles heartily with eyes still closed. Wonderful stories, I wager my last peso. He must be having a blast in those dreams!

And then there are some nights when he sleep-talks. Yes, he would mumble incoherent words and broken sentences. Stories? I still have to figure that out.

One story could be about my childhood. I used* to sleep-talk, too and it was a longstanding joke in the family. (*My husband says I don’t do that now, so maybe that’s a thing in the past.)

But really, I didn’t know that kids as young as Matt could talk while they sleep. I also don’t know if this is the right thing to do, but whenever he starts sleep-talking, I always try to strike a conversation as if it’s broad daylight and we’re talking about how fine the weather is. Like last night.

“Eat – eat – Mama, eat,” eyes still closed, Matt muttered.

“Eat what?” I softly asked.

“Eat na rice.”

What?! Eat rice? In the middle of the night?! No, I didn’t really believe he wanted to eat rice so I stayed still and quiet.

Matt, however, couldn’t remain still. He was slowly kicking his feet while muttering, “Get –get-”

After a momentary pause, “Get socks,” he continued.

Again, I couldn’t believe he wanted socks so I, unbelieving but ready to scramble and bring the socks if he asks for it again, whispered back, “Get what?”

Instead, he prattled on, “Get – get – Mama – get.” He was almost crying now but for the life of me I couldn’t make out what he really wanted. Restless and with eyes still closed, he finished off, “Get here Mama.”

Putting my arms around him, I gently assured him, “Mama is here now.” And she will forget about the lights, the PC and a job opportunity waiting in the other room for now.

I must have slept after that because when I woke up it’s already morning.